Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Memorials not Burials...

I have to tell you that I struggle with the modern view of memorials. We are quick to build memorials after tragedies, and the reasoning has always been a bit fuzzy to me. I think building a memorial is a wonderful thing if it's done for the right reason, but too many memorials have been built so that the memorial can do all the remembering and we can move on as a society. That's flawed in my opinion!!!

We read in the Old Testament that the Israelites built memorials out of stones to signify and to "Never forget" what God had done for them. It was supposed to be something that remained relevant to the people and that would remind them of who they were. This isn't just found in Christian theology. It is a prevalent philosophy in Islam, Buddhism and Humanism. It's remembering the past so it can somehow teach us and grow us as we head into the future.

I think there are so many more memorial stones in our lives if we are open to seeking them out. Here are some personal examples: I remember reading the Canterbury Tales, not because of the story, but because it reminds me of how awkward I was as a teenager. I remember playing soccer when I was 10 and having my dad coach me, and it shows me how selfish I was because I really did take that for granted at the time. I remember long conversations with good friends my senior year of high school and it brings me back to the point where I started realizing that there are other opinions in this vast world, and we all have a lot in common. I remember my wedding day and it reminds me of how beautiful this world can be, and that we took a huge risk by diving into this life together, but we did it together!!! I remember talking to my brother on the phone the day before he died, and having to cut it short because I had something that had to be done-that reminds me that the here and now are just as important if not more important than the where I'm going:)

Why is it so bad to remember? I don't get that at all. We NEED to remember who we are, and we have to claim our history whether we like it or not. Because that history shows us where we've been and where we are going, and if we look hard enough we can see the growth in our own life and be encouraged that we are viably progressing and evolving into something better:)

Growing up in the Oklahoma City area, I have been to the OKC bombing memorial a few times and it has profoundly touched me each time. Every time I've walked those hallowed grounds I am affected and overwhelmed. It takes me back to my freshman year and worrying about my dad because he had meetings at that building all the time. I remember feeling helpless, and I also remember hearing that dad was ok and the relief that followed.

The point is that memorials are not meant to do the remembering for us, they are physical examples of the remembering that needs to take place in us. They show us what is possible, both inhumane and beautiful. We can also see that its a fine line between evil and good, and that we are capable of being monsters as well as heroes.

We don't bury what happened, we honor it by emerging from the chaos and changing the world for good. We make life count based on what we believe to be true, but we can't run from our past. We embrace it humbly and we look at our personal memorial stones, and we remember who we were and the calling in our life.

May you realize that you are not defined by who you've been, but that you are emerging and growing into who you are called to be. Memorials are not burials-they are growing pains:)

3 comments:

  1. I really wish more people felt this way. I lost one of my best friends in December to cancer. We hadn't seen each other since 1997, but kept in touch and over the last few years it had been more sparse. It had been a year since we'd talked and I got a birth announcement in the mail from her (in Oct) and at the bottom it said "it's very important I talk to you, I don't have your number please call me." I called to find out she had stage IV melanoma. All these thoughts came rushing through about how I should've this or should've that. I lost her 5 weeks later, she left behind a 3 month old Daughter. I've since had so many questions, what she was like during the time we were apart, what her favorite things were, etc. Her family doesn't want to talk about it, they want to "move forward." It's hard for me, and another mutual friend who was out of contact for a while, to understand why people just stop remembering. I understand the pain, I do. It's remembering her that changes some things in me. The whole process of losing her has made me reflect on certain parts of me that I need to change. Without losing her, I never would've been where I am and felt the need to do that. I have to remember because if I just moved on, I lose out on some great things God has planned for me.

    I totally agree that when we can't remember parts of our lives, even as troubling and trying as they've been, we cease to live because part of living is losing. Part of losing is learning, and part of learning is growing.

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  2. Chrisi, I'm so sorry about your loss, but aren't you better for remembering?:) Great thoughts and very insightful friend. I hope your remembrances help you grow and emerge into something more beautiful than you already are:)

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  3. Thanks Travis, it is a painful process to remember sometimes. If it weren't for pain though, I would never have figured out where I belong (in the arms of a loving God feeling His mercy, grace, and forgiveness). I've learned a lot from it and expect it's not the last, but I'm okay with that. It is the natural course of things.

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